Batman Fic: Work in Gotham

[xt1me]

This was somewhat inspired by Lego DC Super Villains. One of the powers some of the characters have is 'Goon Control' and it got me thinking as to why Gotham never seem to tun out of minions for the bad guys to use.
This is set in a vague amalgamation of Gotham City, I'm going off vibes for these characters mainly.
And yes, this is a reference to PandaRedd's Bill the henchman.

 

Forget unemployment statistics. The thing you gotta know is, there are plenty of jobs in Gotham. It’s just most of them aren’t legal.

You got the likes of Falcone and Maroni of course. I’m pretty sure the mob was running these streets since the first cobblestone got laid down. The thing is, if you’re a made man, you’re made for life. Some people like the job security. But if you’re wanting a little extra, taking outside work will see you getting a tour of Gotham harbor from underneath real quick.

No, you want some fast cash in Gotham you wanna work for one of the Rogues. Call ‘em minions, call ‘em henchmen, call ‘em goons. But I’m telling you, that’s your safest bet for work in this city.
Sure, you could go it alone, try and mug someone or knock over a liquor store. But this is Gotham. Chances are the person you’re mugging has a bigger knife and that bar has a shotgun behind the counter. Besides, going on your own practically guarantees to get one of the bats coming down on you sooner or later.

Now you might think that same will happen when running with a Rogue. But the thing you gotta remember is, the Bat will always be more interested in your boss then you. Most of the big names want the Bat's attention, so they don’t care too much if you squeal. Do that and the Bat’ll just tie you up for the cops. Usually you have all night for them to come a get you, it’s plenty of time to escape.
Same for in a fight. If you can, just take a dive an’ pretend to be unconscious. Then, when the Bat is taking down your Boss, sneak away. Sure you wont get in on the big score, but if the Bat’s about the schemes rumbled anyway. You might as well get out with what pay you’ve got.

Best thing is jobs don’t last long. Rogues will pay as you go too. Usually there’s a bonus for when whatever plan they have goes off, but even when things go wrong you’ll be at least left with something. And, as long as you keep your head down, after a Rogue gets tossed in Arkham they’ll just forget about you. There’s plenty of people that were down on their luck, needing some quick cash, that just did a job or two to get the feet under them. Then you can go straight and not look back. Hell, even if you get rumbled these loads of rehabilitation schemes these days to help you out. Sure, you’ll have a record, but most people do in Gotham.

‘Course, some Rogues are better to work for than others.

Black Mask is mob. The only reason he’s not as bad as some of the old schoolers is that he don’t care about his people too much so he won’t make you stay unless he wants something from you.

Penguin likes to work like he is old school but he’s always been more ok with working with contractors. He’s good at keeping his businesses separate so he’s more likely to hire new talent then the other mob bosses.

Red Hood’s apparently good to work for. Only thing is, is he doesn’t really hire people. He’s more like those big shot CEO’s that come in when a business is going under. You know, someone that fires a bunch of dead weight and fixes up the place. Only instead of being hired he just decides to take over. And the firing is a little more literal too. Still, if you follow the rules I’ve heard he’s not bad. There’s a rumor he offers benefits and everything.

Two-face is good too. He actually knows how to run a business. Gives good legal advice as well, half the time anyway. Better yet, if you really screw up and he’s planning on shooting you, you got 50/50 odds of getting out alive. It’s better than some of the other guys.

Scarface, for example. When that guys losses his temper he likes to wave around that damn tommy gun of his. Wooden fingers aren’t great for trigger discipline if you understand me. The Ventriloquist ain't got great aim though. As long as you duck outta the way chances are you’ll just get clipped. Might want to stay behind him in a fight though, he kind of relies on the old spray and pray.

The Joker, yeah he’ll kill if he’s mad enough. And also if he’s board or just thinks it’s funny. It’s not as often as you might think. He’s not stupid. It’s just you can’t predict it. That’s not main the reason to be worried about working for him though. He’s always talking real nihilistic nonsense about life being a joke and all that. It kinda gets in your head. You find yourself nodding along only the look back later and wonder what the hell you were thinking. Messes you up. Pay’s good though. You can’t plead insanity to the IRS so he’s always good ‘bout getting you your cash on time.

Mr. Freeze won’t do much to you directly but there’s always a risk of frostbite with him. Most the Rogues have a look they go for and if they don’t provide you uniforms they’ll at least give you the tools to make you match their theme. Freeze’ll give you jackets but he’s not a good judge on what’s warm enough, so always bundle up. Spend your first paycheck on good gloves and socks. Trust me it’s worth it.

But if you’re too worried about a Boss taking things out on you then I recommend the Riddler. When he loses his temper, he just yells at you. Sure, he’ll make you feel like an idiot so if you can’t handle verbal abuse you might wanna avoid it. But he won’t even hit you. He also likes a lot of prep time to set things up so it’s good steady work for a while if you need it.

When Clayface explodes on you, you just end up covered in mud. And his rants can be lot more entertaining. All Rogues have a tendency to monologue but he practically puts on a performance. Plays all the parts himself. The only things is, since he doesn’t need to eat or sleep or even breath if he doesn’t want to, he’s not great a remembering to give breaks. If you’re working for him you better hope he hired someone good at scheduling.

Scarecrow ain’t bad either. ‘Least when it comes to physical damage anyway. His gas is no joke. But all his guys get antidots, so I know there's a lot who work for him just for safety. Just don’t have any unusual phobias. You don’t want him to take an interest.

He’s not as bad as the likes of Strange or Pyg. Those guys don’t hire, they just mess with you. You don’t wanna be turned into a Dollotron or a Monster Man you best just stay away from those guys.

Hatter’s not too bad. Sure he might just hat you instead of paying but those knock off and you’re fine. He will pay out if things are going well so some think it’s worth it. Helps if you know something about Lewis Carroll.

Ivy will also sometimes just pollen you to work for her. Or just to make you fall in love with her. It’s not permanent though and if she’s in a good mood you’ll still get paid. Some weirdos like it too. I don’t judge. She won’t mess with you if she does. The worst you get is embarrassment over how you acted. Heck, you’ll barely even get more than bruised if you have to fight one of the Bats. They always go easy on people they see as victims. Really cuts down on the hospital bills.
Nah, it’s the plants you have to watch out for. They don’t tend to be quick unless she's throwing a fit though. Chances are you be fished out before you get digested.

Catwoman is good but she don’t hire much. She’s more of a solo player a lot of the time. Still, she’ll ask for some muscle every now and again. And she a lot better than most for pay even if you get caught.

Croc don’t hire much either, he’s more likely to be on a job himself. He doesn’t need muscle so much as he’ll need runners since not too many places are welcoming to him. He’s not highest paying since he doesn’t do much in the way of big jobs on his own. But he knows the score from the other side so he’s more likely to treat you right.

Guys like Bane don’t hire local a lot. He’s got his guys from Santa Prisca for the most part. Still, you can pick up the odd job from him.

If you on this job long enough you might see the ninja’s around. That Ra’s guy never hires local so you’re better off avoiding them. They’re don’t talk much, all real dedicated to their boss. They’re kind of intense about it.

These a bunch of C listers that might hire out sometime. Firefly might get you to stash accelerants in places or Condiment King might get you to collect batches of ketchup. But for the most part those guys like to run solo. Besides, they mostly can’t pay much anyway.

Then you got those like Zsasz. He don’t hire out. He just kills people. The closest you want to get to guys like him is if they're also working of one of the others.

No, you just let me know if you’re looking for work and I’ll point you to who’s hiring.
Just tell ‘em Bill sent you.